PRIDE OF LIONS ENDANGERING OUR WATERS?

Written by Streh Chin

Multiple credible witnesses have claimed to see Pride of Lion mercenaries loitering around the local lake. This sounds innocent, but the Pride has deep ties to groundbreaking alchemy funded by secret donors in the Empire! They’ve been funneling chemicals up from down south and into our waters! After conducting an investigation, it has become clear that these vagabond sellswords have been slipping alchemy into OUR drinking water to control OUR MINDS! 

This new alchemical formula, which has been examined by our master alchemist Fhize Chin, has revealed that it contains miniaturized goblins shrunken down to a size that allows them to enter your system and TAKE OVER YOUR BRAIN! The goblins have been taking out pieces of our brains and crystallizing the pineal glands of all those who have drunk from the Mournfall lake, which is slowly making them all dumber and slower. Since they started dumping that shit in the water, I’ve been feeling my mind slip. I used to be able to read rituals, but now I can’t anymore! The shadow of who I once was calls out to me from the grave.

The Pride of Lions has come on record saying that these vagrants are supposedly “deserters,” but one of our insiders has confirmed to us that they are actually a secret black ops team that was hand selected by the captain in an effort to take over the minds of all those who live within our peaceful oasis. Those scumbags have also caused even more damage in that adventurer hovel! This is unacceptable!

But the worst is, nobody can stop ’em! They’re having their way with Mournfall! They want our ground nuts! They’ve infiltrated this land and they’re going to keep poisoning it! But I won’t let that stand! YOU HEAR ME!? I WON’T LET THEM DO IT! I’LL FIGHT THEM! BECAUSE I’M A PATRIOT! I’M A PATRIOT THAT’S GONNA DEFEND HIS LAND! LET THEM COME THE COWARDS, I’LL KILL THEM ALL!

I just get flippant and angry but it’s because deep down folks, I can see what they’re doing and I have—we have a responsibility to stop these mercenaries. Where are the men in this country? Where are the men in this world? What the hell have we become? We just offer our children up to the system with the alchemy in the water and the poison hurting em. And we let fat perverts grab them at the market to train them for the incestuous empire. And we’ve just got such a sick society.

We see through your lies, Lysander, you WICKED DEMON! You can try to cover up your tracks all you want, but you can’t fool us any longer. I recognize you for what you are, you filthy trash, and I am here to energize the hobling spirit and light that fire that will burn your company into a pile of black slag! I tell you we’re gonna get people awake to you, you bastard, and we’re coming for ya, we’re coming straight for ya and you know it, that’s why you’re so scared, that’s why you’re moving so fast now, and you just better keep doing that dance, cause you can feel that flame of rebellion starting to lap up and lick right up there.